you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
