If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
