It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
