Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
