maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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