So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
