Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
