It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
