i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
