She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
