and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
