so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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