If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
