I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
