Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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