I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
