If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
