I just pynch a tree in the face
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
