I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This is the high leading the old right now
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
