I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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