Pappa wants mamma naked
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
