i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
