I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
