dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
