i jhust puked up my retainher.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
