I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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