Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
