Your mouth is God's brothel.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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