I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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