small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
