I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
