did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
