How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
