I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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