I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
