i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
