were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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