OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
