RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
