I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
