Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
