the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
