It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Watching her eat just hurts me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
