Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the room spins SO much faster in panama
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
