My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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