Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
