this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
