please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
