He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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