You're completely useless in the revolution.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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