How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
