then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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