do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
