Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
