Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
